3 Steps to Leading a Conversation - Part 2- Pacing

In part one we discussed matching, the essence of entering into the world of our audience.
The second part of leading a conversation is pacing.
I am a triathlete and during this journey, have run many races. I have had friends who were better runners than myself, offer to pace me during a marathon. The basic idea is for the better runner to slow their pace in order for me to hold my target goal pace exactly. My goal while running with my pacer is that I am pushed to not sink farther behind.  How is pacing a conversation different? In truth it is not, as good conversationalists we are going to slow our pace to the matched level of Bob (the gentlemen from part 1). Once we have genuinely matched Bob, we are now going to briefly jog along with him.
It might go something like this;

Bob - I was  relying on the bank to see it my way, and I am so torked that they throw that ridiculous "economy" BS whenever they feel like it. (said with less anger but frustration)
Me - You know how banks are they can and will use any excuse in the book. I think it is the only company on earth that doesn't understand customer service. Did he offer any suggestions?
Bob - No, he looked at me like I was lower than him and that really pissed me off.
Me- It sucks that you got that special gem today but you know that your a rock star when it comes to figuring things out.

 As you can see we did not spend a great deal of time pacing with Bob. When you match the audience you must have a plan to get out. You want to make sure Bob has the time to get his anger off his chest but as a good friend it is your job to support him. More times than never we will get angry over a situation and latter feel terrible over our perceived overreaction.
When you feel Bob has lowered his tone and has begun to pace along with you, it is time for Part 3 - Leading.

As with all things, matching, pacing and leading effectively is an art and with practice you will find that you can be seen as a great listener. 

When was the last time you felt terrible about your reaction? (Never, Sometimes, Always)
 If you want to teach your friends how to pace and develop an incredible support network pass this on.

Good friends grow with us.